Let’s Talk About Sex, The Column: Fellatio

The time has officially come to talk about the act of so many names— head, brain, dome, neck, knob goblin, spit shine, etc. — professionally known as fellatio.

My first introduction to head came from the lyrics of Lil Kim, Trina, and of course Shawnna. The late night public access show, Robin Byrd, gave me the visuals while Sex and the City broke down what I thought was “head reality.” By high school, lollipops, popsicles, and yes, bananas were used to depict what kind of “skills” we had, but let’s be real— what you can do with a lollipop means nothing to the real thing.

By college, my girls and I were sharing tips and late night stories about our head game. No hands, no gag-reflex, done in 60 seconds, I’ve heard it all. But the older I got, the less stories I heard. Were we at the level of maturity where we just don’t talk about our sex lives anymore? Hell no, does that even exist? Are the girls just not sucking anymore? Does it now feel like a chore? Meh, possibly. Are we just not confident in our iron throats anymore?! Okay, that was dramatic, but maybe.

With Rona around, we’ve got nothing but time to learn (and apply) something new. For this week’s column, I reached out to one of my favorite adult content stars, Jose—who was featured on the latest episode of Dating in NYC: The Podcast—for a few tips on how to be confident while throwing that throat.

Jose (He/Him/They) is a HIV positive activist, sex worker and NYC native. Whether it pertains to sex, politics, nightlife or advocacy, you can see Jose tweet about it. You can find most of Jose’s work on Twitter, @MISTERJROCKA or on Vice. If you liked Jose’s tips, feel free to support him via Only Fans or send him a tip via cash app— $Misterjrocka

Tip #1: Prepare yourself!

Whether it is mentally or physically, you have to prepare yourself to give mind blowing, toe-curling, sloppy head! It will not always be comfortable and you will have to push through in certain moments, but the art of giving an amazing blowjob is to submit to the dick in front of you and to give it your all. You are not only here to test yourself but also to please your partner, give it 100%! 

Make sure you haven’t eaten a meal within the last hour or two. This way you won’t feel self conscious if you happen to gag while trying to slide the shaft deep into your throat. Also, tie up any long or loose hair you might have, you don’t want it to get in the way of your dick sucking trance!

Tip #2: How to Initiate Giving Head:

There is no “one size fits all” rule for initiating oral sex with your partner. Everyone has different boundaries and the rules of consent can be laid out differently for every couple. Do what makes you and your partner feel comfortable while also turning on that ‘freak’ and gaining maximum arousal. Whether it’s starting off with foreplay, role play, or even using a mask to hide your face, everyone’s approach is different. Don’t be afraid to initiate in ways that turn YOU on too. After all, you’re the one that’ll be doing most of the work. It has to be much more arousing and exciting for you.

Tip #3: Positions Matter!

With as many dicks as I sucked, I can tell you that not all dicks are created equal. You have dicks that curve up, down, right or left. Thick or thin. Cut or uncut. Endless possibilities. One thing you do have to take into account is the anatomy of your throat and how to position your throat so the dick has better access.

For example, sucking a dick that is curved up on your knees, simply wouldn’t work. A position like 69 would be much easier and corresponds to your throat.

A dick that curves down would benefit from getting slurped up on your knees at the edge of the bed or on it. You can also adjust and tilt your head of dick that tilt to the right or left. Remember, it matters which way the penis is shaped. 

Tip #4: Methods + Do’s and Don’ts

Now you’re finally ready to suck this dick! Here are some methods and dos and don’ts you can try to spice it up.

Methods:

• The Jerking Grip: While you are sucking your partner, make sure to use your hand as a way to jerk them off and increase sensation. Depending on the size you can either use 2 hands, one hand or simple 2 fingers. Make sure you grip the penis tight while you continuously suck and use your dripping saliva as lubricant. 
• Ball & Shaft Grabber: Place your hand at the bottom of the shaft of the dick, right underneath his balls and cup it. Make sure his balls are resting on your palm while your thumb and pointer (or middle) finger are connected. Kinda like the emoji, except a dick in between. This allows the blood flow to stay in the dick and allows it to remain rock hard.  

Do’s and Don’ts:

• DO Allow Yourself to Gag.
  • It helps open your throat up and allows more saliva to be produced. 
• DO Remember to Breathe! 
  • Just like any exercise you have to remember to BREATHE! It might take time for your body to get used to it, but try to consciously think about breathing every time your head comes up for air. 
• DO Suck on the Head. 
  • When you need a moment of rest from trying to expand your throat, stop by the head and suck on it for a bit. As if it were an icee on a hot summer day. Savor that dick. 
• DO Have Fun with the Dick. 
  • Kiss it, play with it, slap it across your face, slide a tongue across the sides or kiss it and praise it.  
• DON’T Use Teeth. 
  • Unless prompted too.
• DON’T Forget the Balls. 
  • Many men love having their balls licked or even gently sucked, so don’t be afraid to pop a ball in your mouth while stroking him. Added sensation leads to added pleasure!

Tip #5: Have fun!

Giving head is going to get nasty, with tears down your face, mouth full of spit from gagging on the dick, hair all messed up, even your makeup smeared! Allow yourself to feel comfortable submitting and being in this space, because the sooner you feel comfortable, the better, deeper and sloppier your head will get.