As a woman who has dated artists, rappers, and those who dabble in the creative realm, I have a hard time separating the individual from their craft. To simply put it: I’m “taking a break” from dating rappers.
I’m at the point in my life where once a man says he’s a rapper, I’m automatically turned off. Why? Because according to my track record, they all do the same exact thing.
Dating an artist is the equivalent to dating a rapper. Terrible
— lil introvert (@LifeWithJRDN) June 23, 2016
Me: He’s cute.
Jeff: He’s a rapper.
— lil introvert (@LifeWithJRDN) July 25, 2015
For the 8th segement of Dating in NYC, I had a conversation with CRSLYRC — an artist and rapper who wants to change the perception rappers have when it comes to dating.
Read CRSLYRC’s experiences and thoughts below:
What expectations do you have going into a first date?
I try to keep expectations low with everything, especially when it comes to first dates. High expectations are usually a surefire way of setting yourself up for disappointment. If it’s not what you expected, the initial appeal is gone. I’d rather just take my chances and see how it goes. Plus, the feeling of having something exceed any low expectations that were set is always a good sign for the future.
Do you ever feel pressured or the nagging responsibility from women to ensure that a date goes well?
Not really, because I tend to have an idea of what type of women I’m dealing with. Sometimes they may not want a meal and a movie; she may just want to hit up a library or a museum and pick your brain.
The best dates I’ve had while living in New York were always the ones where conversation dictated our time together. We could be talking about anything but if the conversation was on point, we’d link up another time and do it all over again. As long as she’s comfortable and engaged, that’s all I care about.
Describe your best dating experience or ideal date:
I’m sure you’ve seen Pulp Fiction at least once. Remember the scene where John Travolta and Uma Thurman went out for a night? That to me is my ideal date. Where we’re just vibing and feeling each other out. Because if you know that movie and everything that takes place between those characters, then you know Travolta could have probably gotten the box had she not overdosed on him.
Not saying that my ideal date is one that results in sex at the end of the night but we’re all adults here. We know when there’s chemistry and we also know when and how to act on it. But all of my best dates were reminiscent of that; real people spending real time together.
Describe your worst date:
I’ve had boring dates where the girl may have just been dry the whole time. That could be for a number of reasons though. Maybe I didn’t meet her expectations, maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she was just a dry person in general but the dates where I always felt myself having to do something were always the worst. If I’m consciously doing something to steer the love boat, so to speak, then I know that I’m going to want to get it over with quickly. The best dates should always flow effortlessly.
Has your dating experience made you more or less inclined to keep trying?
I don’t think they’ve effected me any more or less than they have in the past. I treat every date differently because none of them are the same. So if I didn’t try, I would be cheating myself out of meeting someone I might enjoy spending time with and by trying, I’m keeping myself open to all possibilities.
Do you feel as if it’s “a man’s job” to make the first move?
Not necessarily because a woman can do a man’s job and do it better. The way women have been stepping up as of late, I don’t see why they shouldn’t make the first move. True feminism is rooted in equality of the sexes so if she feels inclined to make the first move, then by all means do it.
Do you feel intimidated when women “shoot their shot” at you?
Not at all. I’m actually more intrigued by it because it shows me that she’s ambitious and goes for what she wants. To me, nothing is sexier than a woman who locks in like a lioness on her prey. I want to deal with a lioness.
What are some ways women should approach men when attempting to make the first move?
Just be straight up and be yourself. If you’re funny be funny, if you’re flirty be flirty. If you’re shy, fuck it. Just go for it. Chances are you’ve been watching the guy for some time now and you’ve figured out a way to approach him. If you know his interests, touch on that. I know that it’s subjective when it comes to dealing with people but we’re all the same at a basic level.
Does your profession affect the type of women you date?
Not really because I don’t go around screaming “Hey! I rap” to every woman I come across, or anybody for that matter. If anything, I omit that information until I feel the need to share it.
It’s funny because you see so many women saying “Don’t date rappers” or artists in general. It’s not rappers and artists who are doing them wrong though, it’s the individual. That’s like me saying all strippers fuck for extra cash when that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Plus, I think it’s corny for a guy to use his profession to get women. If you can’t get a date off the strength of who you are as a person, you have some work to do.
How do you balance work life and dating?
Well right now I haven’t been doing too much dating only because my hands are full with musical matters. If I am dealing with someone , there’s usually an understanding as to where she knows that I’m out here doing what I need to do to progress. I also understand that she’s out here doing what she needs to do because I only date women who are driven. So when we do get together, we have each other’s full attention until we have to get back in the field again.
What do you think is lacking when it comes to dating in NYC?
Nothing is lacking. We’re talking about New York. In Connecticut where I’m from, it’s a bit different. We don’t have a MoMA or a Central Park and we can’t go for a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge or walk around Times Square at 2 a.m. In New York, there’s a million things to do and even more people to connect with at any moment, so nothing is really lacking.
Do you think that social media has effected the way we date now?
We live in a digital age so everything is going to be affected by it. My only gripe is that with dating through social media, there’s no context. You may DM somebody and they can receive the message completely wrong and look at you funny forever. At the same time though, you may meet the love of your life in your twitter mentions or on tumblr and there’s nothing wrong with that. Use it as a stepping stone and don’t get catfished.
If their was one thing you could change about the dating scene, what would it be and why?
I guess I would change the expectations. Everybody is expected to have it all figured out when in reality, there’s nothing to figure out. Our parents are still figuring it out, our grandparents are still figuring it out. Nobody has lived their life twice so it’s all about figuring it out the first time. If I’m a young man trying to make it and you’re a young woman trying to make it, let’s help each other. If we don’t work out, at least we tried and learned something from each other. Lower your expectations and take chances.