It’s been a while since I’ve written and as many of you know, I’m very transparent on my blog. I’ve had words sitting on my chest all year that I just haven’t gotten out. I didn’t make the time to do so.
2017 was a very transformative year for me. I’ve been every person that I thought I hated and could never be. I’ve seen sides of myself that made me wonder who I even was before. I cried alot, I found a way to speak to God after 10 years, I learned about myself and forced myself to stop pretending. 2017 was the year of me setting my table— making sure everything is prepared for my future. 2018 is the year I can finally have a seat.
Here are some of my goals for 2018:
I allow myself to be in the present.
This year, I had a few moments where I took breaks from thinking about “what’s next” and what I need to do to take things to a “new level.” I cherish those moments. The older I get, the more I feel the need to keep moving, keep doing, and keep creating. All while ignoring the fact that I need moments of stillness and I need to enjoy the time I have with my family and friends. Planning for the future is scary but necessary, and so is living in the moment. In 2018, I will allow myself to be exactly where I am and enjoy it.
I do not let history repeat itself for the sake of temporary comfort.
If I can keep it really real with you and myself, my love life was filled with cheap moments of fulfillment and temporary comfort this year. Nothing and nobody filled me, instead alot of the situations I found myself in caused more trouble than it was worth. I have a habit of chasing old feelings and memories with men who are no longer the person I used “love.” In 2018, your girl is continuing her celibacy and starting fresh.
I’ve been alot of places in my head and in my dreams, but when it comes to booking a ticket, I get anxious. Thoughts of “What if someone needs me when I’m away” fill my head and in turn, I never end up traveling far. I’ve had dreams of places I’ve never been— writing words on beaches as the sun rises behind me. I have literally seen myself living my best life, now it’s time to actually do it. Whatever or whomever is here for me will be here when I get back. Now, if I only I can decide where I want to go first…
I am more intimate with myself.
One day at work, my friend randomly asked me if I am clingy in my relationships. The answer was yes, but I had to figure out why. I go through long periods without physical touch or any form of intimacy often. So once, I get into something serious, I feel as if I need to make up for all the time I was without which is…well clingy.
As I reclaimed my time and my pussy this year, I was reminded that we seek things in partners that we aren’t doing for ourselves. Those words reminded me how I healed myself after a bad breakup. Once I started doing the things for myself that my partner once did, things began to feel a little more whole. Currently, I do alot of things for myself in my love languages, but be intimate. In 2018, I’m exploring more ways to be more loving to myself in the ways I appreciate it.
I am not coddling people’s feelings.
Everyone code switches— at work, with older family members, etc. It’s become second nature for me to be more accommodating to people’s feelings. I’ve accepted alot of people’s ways because “that’s just the way they are”, but I haven’t been afforded the same sentiment. I’ve wracked my brain trying to search for “nice ways” to say things to comfort those in the wrong or those who just don’t understand. In turn, I’ve become a home to words I’ve never said — and there’s no growth in that. I have been long overdue to say exactly how I feel and it all starts now.
I am consistent.
This year showed me how far things can go when I am consistent. I started my podcast completely off the random in January and it has grown so much. My consistency—with something that I actually enjoy— gave me an amount of visibility that I never expected. I was just a girl who loved talking shit and hearing the sound of her own voice. And now, I have a platform where I can learn in my favorite ways about my favorite things. I have another space where I can share, laugh and grow— and that’s all I ever wanted. In 2018, I will continue being consistent with everything— from this blog and podcast to myself.
What are your goals for 2018? Let me know in the comment section!